a viscous circle.

I viscous circle.. That is what I live..... but only when it comes to school work.

I put everything off until the last minute, and I pressure my self into doing it and I stress my self out about it. Yet I can not bring my self to change from procrastinating on everything, so now its time to cram again....

christmas!

Well, I am so lazy to go find a christmas picture right now but I must say this year has out done it's self one more time! Not because of my awesome gifts..but don't get me wrong they were awesome! But just because of my family.. All ten of us sitting around the couch just laughing SO much. Talking about so many old times made me laugh and that is what I love about this day. Everyone's stress is gone and everyone is having a grand time! I love this day and I could write about it forever!

Winter Break...

And this is how I now live. I say little to none about what is going on and when ask, I give some fake answer. And I don't know why! I truly believe if I do not talk of them... they will vanish! but no they like to just keep coming. and I just keep crying about it. I wish I could say this was my rant, but it is my new reality. I sucks to think about, but maybe I need to take sometime to my self and think. I don't where to go from here. I am going to keep busy, and keep my smile on cause there is nothing I can do....but maybe you can help. Well yeah.. Where to begin with winter break, so far.. it has been great! today I had a ton of fun! I love all my friends.. and I hope they all had fun as well. I could sit and list every fun thing I am looking forward too this break.. but that would break the rules of my blog. This is my rant place, I can bitch about what ever and you still listen. And that is why I love it! So, back to my point. Break has been great. I have been seeing all my lovely friends, and just living life, cause that is what i love to do! But also in the past couple of days, every dream of my has been crushed. Into a ball, thrown out the window, stepped on, and but. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. What in life have a worked for. Why have I tried? What is my point? Do you really even care? I know I have forgotten about you, and said/did things I was not suppose to, but please! Help me out here! I really need your guidance! And I miss you. A lot. our talks and just the way things were. But no point in dwelling on the past. When there are things & people that ruin every single part of your future! What is my point anymore? Who really cares?

My friends all made fun of me for having a quote as my background: "I like to pretend that everything is alright. Because when everyone else thinks you're fine, you forget for a while that you're not"

And this is how I now live. I say little to none about what is going on and when ask, I give some fake answer. And I don't know why! I truly believe if I do not talk of them... they will vanish! but no, they like to just keep coming. and I just keep crying about it. I wish I could say this was my rant, but it is my new reality. I sucks to think about, but maybe I need to take sometime to myself and think. I don't where to go from here. I am going to keep busy, and keep my smile on cause there is nothing I can do....but maybe you can help.

To end on a lighter note I am very excited for the following days to come! I have so many exciting things and I will keep taking it day at a time!

FREAK OUT!

OK, well I freak about once a week. But I have been freaking out for a month. But especially this week. I can't speak, I can think, I can't move, and I can not get my thought together. I am going around saying things that I have no business saying mad things I do not mean. I am legit going crazy and freaking out about everything!! I need a break from it all. I need to run away and hide for all. I need someone.

Ouch.

Ouch, this hurts really bad. I do not know what to do any more.

I am a mess.

On the bright side......

11 Days**
277 Hours**

16582 Minutes

Until Christmas!!!

hmmm

Well, today was a really bad day that went decent.

I got to sleep in, and I tried not to think about it.

I told no one, but that is the way I like it.. cause there is nothing to be said about this day.

I did not think about it all day, which is a good thing cause some days it can really get to me.

But today was a day that stayed strong.. and I thank God for that!

It is still a battle especially next week when I see my doctor, but I take it one day at a time and i will deal with that later.

Today I got to be with you, and that makes me happy.

But, I am not going to speak to soon here!

15 Days**
372 Hours**

22269 Minutes

UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!

tomorrow

Well, tomorrow is coming and there is no way around it.

It is going to suck.

It has been a year.....again

I Am Still Waiting.

I still miss you.. and I am still waiting for this day.

Hopefully it comes sooner than later.

But I will wait.

I miss you

I miss you so much, yet i cannot tell you.

I can not change you, but I am going to try.

Because I do miss what we had.

How much fun we had and everything.

I want to tell you, but I know I cannot. That would just make things worse.

I try to fix things, but I just can't. Maybe I need to accept this.

I wish I could... but that is not reality.

So please, help me here. Because I do miss you!

Let it SNOW!!

I love the snow.
So, let it snow!
I have nothing to do today, but play in the snow.
This is my favorite part of this year, and this is why I could love no where else. ok maybe Colorado, but that is about it!
The snow is so pretty is makes me smile!
I just LOVE the snow!!!

I wish....

I wish for a lot of things in life,
I wish for this and I wish for that...
but right now I am wishing for three things.
Two are major, while one is lame.
Right now I wish I could do my homework well.

But I will always wish...